NEVER ENOUGH
As I sat on the beautiful beach today in Sea Girt, New Jersey completely focussed on the ocean and the sky, it occurred to me that I feel the same way about the beach that I do about my children. I can never get enough of either. There will never be a day where I will say that I’ve had my fill of spending time with my two daughters. And, in my wildest dreams, I can’t imagine passing up a beach day for any other activity.
I’ve always known this but I’ve never really been able to voice these feelings before. Perhaps because I never made the connection between the importance of each in my life. Both my daughters and the ocean fill me with a deep joy, a sense of calmness and a profound oneness with God. That is because I know that they are a gift to me from the Divine Source who loves me more than I can fathom.
I knew from the moment each of my darling girls were placed in my arms, that I was being given a treasure, a piece of God to be loved and cared for with all of my heart. The birth of my Meghan in 1984 and Maureen in 1986, was a direct communication from The Good Lord to me that conveyed the message that I am cherished. That I am blessed. I have enjoyed every day of motherhood. Even the sick days. And, the college days when they were both 3000 miles away from me and my heart ached in their absence. I could never get enough.
When they were both in grade school, I volunteered practically every day in any capacity I could just to be a part of their world. I was Homeroom Mother many years in a row. I went on countless class trips taking in every experience as if I were on a Caribbean vacation even though I was actually deep inside a real cave with bats flying around. Twice! No joke. Crystal Cave. The classic 2nd grade field trip for our school. That’s the cave that little seven year old Meghan begged me to take her out of because she sensed she was going to get sick when we were all very deep in the dark cave with a guide leading us further and further into the abyss. I remember trying my best that day to explain to that little dear why we couldn’t abandon the group in the darkness. The words, “please trust me, sweetie” came forth from me over and over again. We eventually made it out into the light just in the nick of time if you know what I mean.
When both girls announced separately that they wanted to go to college in California- the other side of the country- I took only one week to get over the shock. Then, I joined in and visited them as often as possible. Fortunately, they attended the same University. I was actually at their college more than their roommates’ parents who lived in California. I recall that the word obsessed was used to describe me by my younger daughter, in particular, but always in a light hearted, funny way. I guess they, too, sensed that I could never get enough of them. And, it’s true. Don’t get me started on the tear-filled scenes I was famous for at both the Philadelphia and Los Angeles airports. People are probably still talking about me. Wondering if I ever got it together!
I have loved every age and every stage of their lives. I can honestly say that they have always been my best friends even when they were very young. Our connection is deep and extremely rewarding. I could hang out with them at a laundromat and have a great time. I just love being in their energy field. And, when we are about to part ways, I start missing them long before they leave my side. Any amount of time I spend with them is too short. And, there’s nothing I can do about it. That’s just the way that it is. They are my everything just as my seven siblings and I were the earth, the moon and the stars to our sweet Mother, Jane.
The same warm feeling I get from spending time with my girls envelopes me as soon as I catch my first glimpse of the ocean each day. No matter what’s happening in my world, the smell of the salt air and the gorgeous view of the sky, the waves and the seagulls makes my spirits soar. All of my cares and worries vanish suddenly as if by magic. I love all sorts of beach days. Sunny warm days and cloudy, windy ones, too. They are all perfect to me. I thank God profusely for the opportunity to sit in my beach chair and take it all in. I know that it’s all as big as it seems.
The seashore is a miracle to me. It is Heaven right here on earth. Watching the ocean with the waves crashing against the shore, the clouds floating above and the soft sand covering my feet is the greatest show on earth. I can’t get enough of it. Through osmosis, I become a part of it all. I am one with all of it’s beauty. There is no separation between the beach and me. I used to love to read and nap on the beach, but I can’t do it anymore because I can’t take my eyes off all of the splendor right in front of me. It would be akin to going to the movies and bringing a magazine to read. You would miss the whole show.
When I count my blessings each day, I start with the good fortune I have in being Meghan and Maureen’s mother. We are together even when we are physically miles apart because they are always in my thoughts. So, too, the beach. Even when I am in the middle of busy Philadelphia, my thoughts easily drift to the sea. Meghan, Maureen and the ocean are my center because they are of God. They are Peace, Love and comfort to me. Thank you for these gifts, Dear Lord!
