She Said YES !!!                

The moment is here. One of my darling daughters, Maureen, became engaged this morning to a wonderful man from a lovely family. What more could a mother ask for? It’s almost too good to be true. But, fortunately, it’s real. Thank you, dear God. Thank you very much. 

My family and I adore the boyfriend, Tom. Oops! I mean the fiancee. That’s a beautiful word I’ll have to get used to saying. This sweet young couple is now engaged to be married. They are betrothed. This is a very big moment in time for Maureen and Tom, as well as, the rest of us. Their intentions are set. All sorts of plans will be made left and right. We are at the very beginning of what promises to be a whirlwind of activity. Wedding preparations always seem to take on a life of their own from what I’ve observed. 

But, there’s no going back now. Not that we’d ever want to. We’re going in a direction we’ve never been before. As soon as the, oh, so nice,Tom, proposed to Maureen by the bay at the Ocean City Yacht Club, and she said the word he hoped she’d say, promises were made and jubilation  reigned. My intuition tells me that Tom’s family is as overjoyed as mine at the prospect of the two of them living happily ever after. Their relationship has always shown signs of being a match made in Heaven.

Maureen and Tom were friends for several years before they started dating. They have many friends in common which will always be a plus in their lives. When they were still in that friend stage, I often joked with Maureen that I thought that her red head friend, Tom, seemed interested in being more than just friends. We would both laugh and leave it up to the universe to figure it all out. As fate would have it, sparks flew one summer evening at a boat parade in Ocean City called “Night in Venice”. Something was in the air that could no longer be denied. Love! They both acknowledged that very night that they were smitten with each other and the rest is history, as they say.

They are so much fun to be around. They both have a great sense of humor and a natural ability to keep things lively. They really seem right for each other. Dedicated to their relationship, their families and their friends. Maureen and Tom spent five months together in Costa Rica last year. Many caring people voiced concern at their plan to be in a third world country for an extended amount of time. But, I knew that they had to go on that adventure. It had been calling to them for a long time. I secretly thought of that trip as the ultimate test of the strength of their relationship. 

Maureen and Tom only knew two people when they landed at the San Jose Airport. A married couple around their age who were originally from the United States but had taken up residence in Costa Rica a few years prior. The two couples socialized together as often as possible. But, due to work schedules, etc., that time was somewhat limited. So, Maureen and Tom really had to depend on each other for everything. I had hoped that the prospect of that would solidify their relationship and bond them for life and I was right. It did. They invited me to travel to their Central American town of Santa Teresa on the Nicoya Peninsula. When I arrived, I, at once, noticed their closeness. I was thrilled to find that they had passed the test of time with flying colors. Yay!

Today is a day I will never forget. I am overcome with   gratitude. I see a bright future for these two lovebirds. They both have good heads on their shoulders. We are all on cloud nine with no plans to come down. It’s night time right now and I am alone with God. I am tearing up. With joy, naturally. I am deeply appreciative. Thankful beyond words for Divine Providence. Peace and Love. Or, as they say in Costa Rica, “Pura Vida”!

Flashback To Jack Bradley: A Wonderful Father

Jack Bradley entertaining a wedding crowd with his rendition of On the Way to Cape May.

“On The Way To Cape May” is a classic seashore song cherished by many in the beach towns of South Jersey. Our Dad, Jack, entertained his eight children with this cheerful tune on a regular basis as we were growing up. We all loved it. We knew every word and sang along with pleasure. It’s a love song of sorts. 

I’m a little vague as to whether, or not, Jack actually claimed it as his own creation. But, we pretty much believed he wrote it simply because we never heard anyone else sing it when we were kids.  My siblings and I really enjoyed thinking that our own Dad could come up with “ a little ditty” about our South Jersey seashore towns. It’s a cute, fun song that’s easy to sing along to. Great party tune.

If you ever had the pleasure of meeting Jack Bradley, you’d know that he loved an audience. Hand him a microphone up on a stage and he was in Heaven. A natural at entertaining a crowd. Sometimes, I can’t believe I’m related to him because the spotlight has never been my thing. I’ve run from it all my life. And, as far as singing goes, let’s just say that I may be the only one who is thrilled when I’m belting out a tune which is something I love to do.

My family lives in Margate City on Absecon Island which is a barrier island on the coast of New Jersey about 30 miles, or so, North of Cape May, N. J. Margate is a sweet little beach community that shares the island with Atlantic City, Ventnor City and the borough of Longport. There are several other barrier islands as you travel south “along the Jersey shore” with towns as charming as Margate. Ocean City, Sea Isle, Avalon and Stone Harbor to name a few. 

Each of these small communities has much to offer in the way of beautiful beaches, boardwalks, gorgeous homes and wonderful restaurants. They are boating destinations with all sorts of water craft available. Each season at the Jersey shore presents a list of enjoyable activities that have delighted families and friends for ages. It’s easy to relax and leave your troubles behind when you spend time in any one of these towns. Bike riding, surfing and simply soaking up the sun are all part of the fun the South Jersey coast has to offer.

My family has been enthralled with the Jersey shore forever. Our relatives and friends love to visit us in this darling little haven as often as possible. Jack has always referred to the seashore as, “ the land of milk and honey”. A feeling of peace and contentment envelops you as you cross the bridges onto the islands. Everything seems right with the world as you leave the mainland behind. You just want to say, “ahhh!” as you begin to breathe in the salt sea air.

No wonder someone was able to write a catchy tune about  these island towns. Everywhere I travel at the shore, especially in the summertime, people sing this song. It’s a favorite with beachgoers from Atlantic City to Cape May- the southern most point in New Jersey. Happy Hours are the perfect venue for, “On The Way To Cape May”. Everyone joins in. You can’t help it. This tune generates so much happiness. 

I can vividly picture my Dad singing this endearing song at many a wedding. Invariably, the bride or groom would ask Jack to entertain the crowd with his favorite song. An impromptu gesture that thrilled one and all. He loved it. He would usually add one or two more songs to his repertoire. “By the sea, by the sea, by the beautiful sea…” was a crowd pleaser, too. But, Jack’s rendition of, “On The Way To Cape May” always stole the show. To the delight of everyone, he would add a few dance moves just to liven things up a bit. So much fun!

At our Dad’s funeral a few years ago, my brother, John, had the brilliant idea to have everyone sing this special tune at his gravesite. He had copies made of the words and passed them out to all in attendance. As we were paying our final respects to a man we loved so well, the crowd, at John’s direction, began to sing, “Oh, I sang this little ditty as I left from Ocean City to one who was so lovely to adore. Well, I sang this little ditty as we left from Ocean City down along the Jersey shore…” Not a dry eye in the group. Happy tears in tribute to a man loved by so many and a song that sums everything up about the beach towns he loved deeply. 

Even though Jackson, as we referred to him often, went to his Heavenly Reward over three years ago, he is still greatly missed. And, not just by his extended family. Everywhere that my siblings and I travel on Absecon Island, people come up to us and tell great stories about him. The love they feel for him is at once evident. He had a unique way of making people feel special, connected, loved. His personality was bigger than life. The eight of us are thrilled when someone regales us with a Jack Bradley tale. It helps keep his memory alive within us. No greater gift could these dear old friends give us. Love you, Dad!

Fear Of Missing Out

Fear of Missing Out... or, as it’s commonly referred to these days- FOMO. I’ve got it bad. I’ve been developing a strong case of it my entire adult life. I never knew there was a name for it until recently when I noticed someone near and dear to me use it- my darling daughter, Maureen. Recently, I sent her a picture of myself and several of our family members on an outing in Philadelphia and as soon as she received it, she expressed her regret of not being able to be with us in a text message. She entitled her message, “FOMO”. Of course, I was totally unaware of the meaning of this acronym and begged for clarification.  

As soon as she enlightened me as to it’s significance, a light bulb went off in my head. Yes! FOMO. Fear of missing out. Prior to that moment, I couldn’t accurately voice the feeling I experience when those I love hanging out with are hanging out without me. FOMO- it’s all clear to me now. It’s irrational to think that I could be everywhere all the time with everyone. It’s not possible. But, nevertheless, I get this sense of emptiness or “left-out-ness” when others I love regale me with tales of the good times they’ve recently had without me.

Now, before I go any further, please allow me to explain that I have a wonderful relationship with all of my relatives. We have fun together as often as possible. And, I am fortunate enough to say that I have more great friends than I can keep up with. I’ve lived my entire life in both Pennsylvania and New Jersey. I travel back and forth all the time. Naturally, I can’t be in both states at the same time. When I’m visiting friends and relatives in one state, life goes on without me in the other. As it should. Occasionally, I get this nagging feeling that I should be in the “other” state because, perhaps, they are having just a wee bit more fun and games than we are in the state I’m currently in. Does that even make sense? Do I sound like a middle schooler? 

Since I’ve probably totally confused you, I will now give you an example of a typical FOMO situation in my life. I raised my children in the suburbs of Philadelphia. Over the years, I’ve formed many genuine friendships with amazing people who continue to enrich my life. Most of these friends are my neighbors and the parents of my children’s friends. They are the type of friends you thank God for every day. On more occasions than I can count, I’ve enjoyed fun filled weekends with these people. Happy hours. Bike rides. Dinner parties. Exercise walks, etc… Really enjoyable moments. 

After one particular weekend like this, I remember calling my sister in N.J. on a Sunday evening just to chit chat. She asked about my activities from Friday through Sunday and I happily shared my adventures with her. All was well until she innocently started telling me about her weekend experiences. Now, to be sure, the fun she had in N. J. was actually very similar to the fun I had just had in Pa. Friends, parties, laughter, storytelling, etc… I felt only a minor amount of envy as she spoke. I was okay. Under control. Until she happened to mention that everyone was asking for me. Everyone wanted to know why I wasn’t there. The moment I heard those words, that feeling of missing out started kicking in. A sense of regret enveloped me. Questions started circling around in my head like, “Why did I choose Pa. over N.J. that weekend?” And, “ Did they all have more fun than I did?” 

Crazy, right? Nonsensical. A bit immature to say the least. I jokingly asked my sister to stop. I told her that I couldn’t listen to her stories anymore. I explained how jealous they were making me. Please understand that we were both laughing through all of this silliness. Fortunately, she understood what was going on with me. Why, you might ask? Because she and all seven of my siblings struggle with the fear of missing out, too. And, we’ve even unwittingly passed it on to the next generation. For most of my adult life, I thought I was the only person- possibly in the world- who could be envious of others having fun when I was actually having fun, too. I really thought there was something seriously wrong with me. I’d ask myself why I couldn’t be cool like everyone else and just accept the way life works.

Last fall, a long time friend and his wife invited me to join them on their sailboat in La Paz, Mexico for the upcoming Christmas holidays. There were many positives to this invitation and only one negative. He invited his two sisters, as well, one of whom has been my best friend since the first day of high school. He and his wife were going to treat all three of us to the airfare, etc… And, La Paz is one of the prettiest places on Earth. You would think that my answer would have been an easy yes. But, you’d be wrong. Even though I’d never heard the expression FOMO at that time, I knew instinctively that my fear of missing out would overwhelm me in Mexico. 

You see, my family whom I love with all my heart, was going to be together at my sister’s lovely home for the Christmas holiday. For me, nothing beats a family Christmas. Not even a sailboat with great friends in Mexico. If I had chosen the latter, I know that I would've regretted that decision as soon as I got off the plane in Mexico. One of my brothers couldn’t understand why I would turn down such a wonderful offer until I turned the tables on him and asked him what he would have done in that situation. Yes. His fear of missing out would have overwhelmed him, too. We have so much fun with our siblings, children, nieces and nephews that the thought of being away from them on Christmas would be extremely difficult.

After careful consideration, I’ve concluded that the root cause of my family’s fear of missing out is that we have always been people who say yes to life. We are happy, well adjusted people who enjoy a deep love of life and relationships. We want to take it all in at every moment. We understand that it’s as big and wondrous as it seems. We know that life is indeed an adventure to be explored and cherished with others. We believe life is good and we want to participate fully in all that it offers. That’s why we don’t like to miss anything or anyone. So, we learn how to manage our FOMO carefully one event at a time. We ride it out well and count our blessings. 

If you can believe it, as I was writing this story in Pa., I received messages from three different people on my cell phone. One of them was from a cousin who asked if I was at the Devon Horse Show in Pa. which is a big event where he and his family were at the time. And, the others were from two different friends asking the same question,  “Are you on the beach right now listening to the Flynns?” The Flynns are a really fun Irish band at the shore in N.J. whose lead singer just happens to be my brother-in-law. Please feel free to take a wild guess as to my reaction! 

 It Could All Change In An Instant

Something happened the other day that reminded me how quickly things can shift in life. I was taking care of my friends’ children for the week at their home in Pennsylvania and having a wonderful experience. The parents were vacationing in Europe and I was in charge. I love this family very much and always enjoy myself when I am in their home. I’ve been an overnight nanny for them for about ten years. 

This family loves animals. They have four dogs and a cat. At one point, they owned horses, too. They are very loving to their pets and treat them well. Although I’ve taken good care of the cat, we’ve never really bonded. I admit that I am not a “cat person”. I’ve tried, but it’s just not happening. But, the dogs, well, I just love them. They are so affectionate and easy to deal with. They just want to play, run around and be petted. At all times. Oh, and, have snacks as often as possible. 

On this particular morning, one of the pups kept enticing me to throw the ball to him. I happily spent about ten minutes doing so. He was little, spry and cute. Soon after, all four dogs begged to go outside and I sent them on their merry way out the door. They all have electric collars. So, they can be on their own when they leave the house.

Within minutes, I heard a car pull up the driveway. What took place after that still makes me want to cry. One of the small dogs ran under the car and was killed instantly. The pup I was just playing with! It took me off guard. I could not wrap my head around it. How could this be? Fun & games one minute. And, disaster the next.  So sad!

Then, a few days later, dear, long time friends invited me to their home to tell me all about a trip they were due to take in the next few days to Italy to visit their daughter who is studying in Rome. They were so excited to go over their itinerary with me and I was thrilled for them. I bid them a fond adieu and asked them to send lots of pictures of their travels. 

Next thing you know, my phone rang with the disturbing news that these wonderful friends had been in a car accident. Another automobile had turned right in front of them on a very busy road making a collision inevitable. Serious injuries were sustained but fortunately nothing life threatening. Again, disbelief set in for me. Why did this happen? So upsetting!

In the week following these events, I’ve tried to look at the big picture to see if there was anything I could learn from these sudden challenging situations. Was the Universe trying to teach me something? I was really searching for a lesson to take away from these occurrences that had been troubling me so. Here’s what I came up with after giving it some serious thought.

Maybe I was supposed to be focussing on gratitude more than I had been. I am a very fortunate person because all of my relationships are happy ones. I have a tremendous amount of Love in my life. I am surrounded by easy going, kind people who enrich my experience here on earth. I have everything I need. I want for nothing. Was I thanking the good Lord enough on a regular basis? Something to think about. 

Or, had I been falling into the bad habit of taking things for granted? Was I living in the moment enough? Or, was I absentmindedly not noticing the beauty that envelops me every day? Was I treasuring the good times? Or, was I letting them pass by with little thought? For many years now, I’ve come to an understanding that everything happens the way it’s supposed to happen. I believe that  everything is in Divine order. I think that there is a master plan orchestrated by a Loving Being. It’s impossible to comprehend every detail of this plan. We, as human beings, do not posses the necessary reasoning power.

I don’t know why bad things suddenly happen. Who does? But, I’d like to start working on accepting that life unfolds exactly as it is meant to. I only have control of a small portion of what goes on around me. Please Dear Lord help me to avoid taking anything for granted. Please help me to be grateful always. And, please help me to remember The Serenity Prayer- “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.” ( Thank you, Reinhold Niebuhr )