NEVER ENOUGH

As I sat on the beautiful beach today in Sea Girt, New Jersey completely focussed on the ocean and the sky, it occurred to me that I feel the same way about the beach that I do about my children. I can never get enough of either. There will never be a day where I will say that I’ve had my fill of spending time with my two daughters. And, in my wildest dreams, I can’t imagine passing up a beach day for any other activity.

I’ve always known this but I’ve never really been able to voice these feelings before. Perhaps because I never made the connection between the importance of each in my life. Both my daughters and the ocean fill me with a deep joy, a sense of calmness and a profound oneness with God. That is because I know that they are a gift to me from the Divine Source who loves me more than I can fathom. 

I knew from the moment each of my darling girls were placed in my arms, that I was being given a treasure, a piece of God to be loved and cared for with all of my heart. The birth of my Meghan in 1984 and Maureen in 1986, was a direct communication from The Good Lord to me that conveyed the message that I am cherished. That I am blessed. I have enjoyed every day of motherhood. Even the sick days. And, the college days when they were both 3000 miles away from me and my heart ached in their absence. I could never get enough.

When they were both in grade school, I volunteered practically every day in any capacity I could just to be a part of their world. I was Homeroom Mother many years in a row. I went on countless class trips taking in every experience as if I were on a Caribbean vacation even though I was actually deep inside a real cave with bats flying around. Twice! No joke. Crystal Cave. The classic 2nd grade field trip for our school. That’s the cave that little seven year old Meghan begged me to take her out of because she sensed she was going to get sick when we were all  very deep in the dark cave with a guide leading us further and further into the abyss. I remember trying my best that day to explain to that little dear why we couldn’t abandon the group in the darkness. The words, “please trust me, sweetie” came forth from me over and over again. We eventually made it out into the light just in the nick of time if you know what I mean.

When both girls announced separately that they wanted to go to college in California- the other side of the country- I took only one week to get over the shock. Then, I joined in and visited them as often as possible. Fortunately, they attended the same University. I was actually at their college more than their roommates’ parents who lived in California. I recall that the word obsessed was used to describe me by my younger daughter, in particular, but always in a light hearted, funny way. I guess they, too, sensed that I could never get enough of them. And, it’s true. Don’t get me started on the tear-filled scenes I was famous for at both the Philadelphia and Los Angeles airports. People are probably still talking about me. Wondering if I ever got it together!

I have loved every age and every stage of their lives. I can honestly say that they have always been my best friends even when they were very young. Our connection is deep and extremely rewarding. I could hang out with them at a laundromat and have a great time. I just love being in their energy field. And, when we are about to part ways, I start missing them long before they leave my side. Any amount of time I spend with them is too short. And, there’s nothing I can do about it. That’s just the way that it is. They are my everything just as my seven siblings and I were the earth, the moon and the stars to our sweet Mother, Jane.  

The same warm feeling I get from spending time with my girls envelopes me as soon as I catch my first glimpse of the ocean each day. No matter what’s happening in my world, the smell of the salt air and the gorgeous view of the sky, the waves and the seagulls makes my spirits soar.  All of my cares and worries vanish suddenly as if by magic. I love all sorts of beach days. Sunny warm days and cloudy, windy ones, too. They are all perfect to me. I thank God profusely for the opportunity to sit in my beach chair and take it all in. I know that it’s all as big as it seems. 

The seashore is a miracle to me. It is Heaven right here on earth. Watching the ocean with the waves crashing against the shore, the clouds floating above and the soft sand covering my feet is the greatest show on earth. I can’t get enough of it. Through osmosis, I become a part of it all. I am one with all of it’s beauty. There is no separation between the beach and me. I used to love to read and nap on the beach, but I can’t do it anymore because I can’t take my eyes off all of the splendor right in front of me. It would be akin to going to the movies and bringing a magazine to read. You would miss the whole show.

When I count my blessings each day, I start with the good fortune I have in being Meghan and Maureen’s mother. We are together even when we are physically miles apart because they are always in my thoughts. So, too, the beach. Even when I am in the middle of busy Philadelphia, my thoughts easily drift to the sea. Meghan, Maureen and the ocean are my center because they are of God. They are Peace, Love and comfort to me. Thank you for these gifts, Dear Lord!

If You Can Parallel Park, You Can Do Anything

If You Can Parallel Park, You Can Do Anything

Sometimes, I am an awesome parallel parker. I can whip my Honda Accord into a tight spot like a pro. Like a mean, lean parking machine worthy of a standing ovation. I have actually had people clap for me when they’ve seen me slide into a patch of street so small that they wouldn’t dare to dream about trying it themselves.  People marvel at my confidence, determination and willpower as I maneuver my wheels in the right direction at the right time. When I have to get into a ridiculously tiny parking place because I’m running late or that spot’s my only hope, that’s where my skill and talent for “paralleling” really shines. 

One of my darling daughters lives in South Philadelphia and I love to visit her often. So, lest you think I don’t know tough parking dilemmas, her neighborhood is a prime example of parallel parking difficulty. It’s always a challenge. Trust me. Especially on a rainy, dark night. Good Lord, it’s tricky at times like that. But, I can do it for some unknown reason. I think I just will myself into the spot. And, prayer often comes in handy, too. On many occasions, I have asked everyone in Heaven to assist me. When the mission is accomplished, I never forget to heap praise and thanks on my Divine helpers who often include my Mom and Dad.

But, other times, I am the world’s worst parallel parker in the history of parallel parking. I really mean it. I stink. I really, really stink out loud. Sometimes, I can’t park my car to save my life. I’ve had people- especially in South Philly- laugh at me because I am suddenly totally inept at “paralleling”. I guess they are not actually laughing at me as much as they are laughing at the hopeless situation I’ve placed myself in. They can relate to the futility of trying to place a car in a somewhat impossible location. When this happens, their laughter encourages me to start giggling. And, everyone who knows me understands that when I start laughing, I can’t stop. I have somewhat of a laughing problem which probably shouldn’t be classified as a problem. 

But, nevertheless, when the laughter begins, parking success is not happening. No way, Jose. It’s time to pack it in when I begin to unravel like that. It gets really crazy at times when I can’t get myself out of a parking spot that I actually couldn’t get myself into in the first place. Does that even make sense? At times like this, I humbly

acknowledge that I am but a mere mortal incapable of scoring a perfect “10” every time I come up to bat. I just sail away in my car totally resigning myself to the fact that I will have to park ( seemingly ) miles and miles away from my destination. I remind myself that I love to walk even when I’m carrying packages and there are icy patches on the sidewalks. I just love it. Hehe!

In a way, I relate parallel parking to life. Sometimes, I’m on top of my game. I know what direction I want to follow. I have a good, workable plan and I just go for it. Nothing seems to get in the way. I am unstoppable at times like this. I put my heart and brain into the plan and just go where it takes me. Wonderful things happen along the way. I reach my destination and rejoice when I get there. I have confidence in my abilities and life, itself. I feel on top of the world. Like a woman who is fulfilling her purpose on earth. I love, love, love times like this. They make me feel alive and striving. I am on my way to adventure, enjoyment and prosperity. I am on course and happiness reigns!

Other times, I get a little lost. Sidetracked. Off course, to say the least. I don’t know where I’m going. I’m disoriented and disorganized. Not centered. I really don’t care for those times. They are not nearly as fun as the smooth sailing times when I’m at my best. But, just like I do when I’m having a rough go of it parallel parking, I laugh it off and remember that I’m a work in progress. I usually go for a walk at that point and shake it all off. That leaves an opening for a fresh start the next day. And, as we all know, things are generally brighter in the morning. 

I believe that with God all things are possible. If you try hard to accomplish something and you can’t seem to get it together, it’s best to stop, regroup and begin again at a later time. No need to give up totally. But, maybe a new perspective is the answer. Staying cool, calm and collected is a plus. I’ve learned that through maturity.  Remembering that laughter is one of the best routes to happiness and joy is key. Even when the laughter is directed at me!

God Is Already There

I keep reading posts on Facebook that say words to the effect that we need to put God and prayer back in our schools and businesses, etc. Even Marianne Williamson, one of my favorite spiritual teachers, proposes that Our Lord's Prayer should be said in schools.

When I read this I want to politely remind people that God is already there. God ( Love) is all around us. God never leaves us. Prayer is simply communication with God. We can talk to God and listen for his response anytime during the day or night. We don't need someone else's organized prayer to do so. 

You cannot/should not legislate/force God and prayer on anyone. Our relationship with God ( Love ) is a personal one. If it's forced, then it's not authentic. Nothing good would come of that.

Rather, Love, good old-fashioned Love, should be encouraged everywhere we go. Not just in schools. In businesses and organizations and communities, in the home, etc. Basically, wherever humans travel. Many of us here in this country have pulled away from ( God) because we have pulled away from Love. 

The best way to get back to being in a state of love is to think of love as an action verb. We need to be nice to people and lend them a helping hand whenever needed. We need to be considerate of others and share everything we have. We need to remember that we are all one and when one of us is hurting everyone is hurting. This whole country is hurting right now because fear has taken over. Many have put Love on the back burner.

Once again, I think of Mahatma Gandhi's words," Be the change you wish to see in the world ". We all want our nation and our world to be a nonviolent, nonconfrontational, loving place to live. Each and everyone of us can work toward this goal by remembering that Love in action every day in every situation is the way. Just be kind. To everyone even if they are not kind to us.

Peace and love to all of you!

Fancy Meeting You Here!

Well, Fancy Meeting You Here! 

I just had the funniest experience. I’m still laughing about it. Today is Saturday of Fourth Of July Weekend. I am fortunate enough to be at the Jersey shore. All of the barrier islands around these parts are packed to the maximum with people just like me whose primary goal is to do whatever it takes to get to the beach because that’s where it’s at in New Jersey on the 4th!

It’s a magnificent day. Perfect temperature. Not hot. Not cold. Light breeze. Pretty blue sky with puffy white clouds here and there. The sun is shining in all of its glory. All one has to do to have a spectacular day today is practice patience. Yes, patience. Because everywhere you travel there are lines of people and cars. Parking can be quite a challenge. One gets the exaggerated feeling that everyone from our neighboring state of Pennsylvania is here with us on the islands. We welcome them all. Of course. But, it is a bit overwhelming to say the least.

So, there I was a short while ago, making my way from the borough of Longport on Absecon Island to Ocean City which is the barrier island to the south. I was driving over the bridge which leads into the northern section of Ocean City commonly referred to as The Gardens. The bridge traffic was bumper to bumper with a slow but steady pace. As I ascended to the crest of the bridge, I thought to myself how very lucky I am to be at a standstill at the highest part of the bridge. My view was breathtaking with the beautiful bay on either side and pleasure boats all around. You couldn’t be anything but happy at a moment like that.

This bridge allows space next to the guard rails for  pedestrians to walk, run or ride bikes. So nice. Directly across from my car, I happened to notice a couple holding hands as they walked. I have always loved seeing people joining hands with each other. It makes me happy. Young couples, older couples, friends and parents with their children. I just love it because it gives me a sense of peace and connectedness. I believe that we are all one and people holding hands with their love ones reinforces this idea.

Suddenly, this couple and I caught each other’s attention. I told them how nice they look together holding each other’s hands. They smiled and thanked me. Then, in an instant, the woman said, “Shelagh, is that you?” “ Yes! Yes, it’s me.”, I immediately responded having absolutely no idea to whom I was speaking. “It’s us. It’s Patty and Ralph. You didn’t recognize us when you complimented us, did you?”  We all laughed as I confessed that I had no idea who they were. In my defense, they both had hats and sunglasses on. And, I hadn’t seen either one of them in what seems like a hundred years but actually was about eighteen. 

Our daughters went to grade school together and their graduation may have been our last encounter because our girls went separate ways after that. I have fond memories of this couple. They are fun and easy going. The three of us were thrilled at our experience on the bridge but as you can imagine, it ended as quickly as it started because the traffic began to move forward. We yelled our best wishes into the wind and just like that we parted ways. Laughing at the seeming randomness of our meeting. 

But, nothing is really random, is it? I believe that everything happens the way it’s supposed to happen when it’s supposed to happen. We were supposed to come together in that instant. It was a gift from the Heavens. It was yet another reminder that God is always with us and rejoices in our happiness. That was a sweet get together of old friends with joy being the purpose. Even though it was brief, I’m still feeling the positive effects it offered. 

Love is all around us. If we are open and ready, we will experience it often. Peace and Love!

 She Said YES !!!                

The moment is here. One of my darling daughters, Maureen, became engaged this morning to a wonderful man from a lovely family. What more could a mother ask for? It’s almost too good to be true. But, fortunately, it’s real. Thank you, dear God. Thank you very much. 

My family and I adore the boyfriend, Tom. Oops! I mean the fiancee. That’s a beautiful word I’ll have to get used to saying. This sweet young couple is now engaged to be married. They are betrothed. This is a very big moment in time for Maureen and Tom, as well as, the rest of us. Their intentions are set. All sorts of plans will be made left and right. We are at the very beginning of what promises to be a whirlwind of activity. Wedding preparations always seem to take on a life of their own from what I’ve observed. 

But, there’s no going back now. Not that we’d ever want to. We’re going in a direction we’ve never been before. As soon as the, oh, so nice,Tom, proposed to Maureen by the bay at the Ocean City Yacht Club, and she said the word he hoped she’d say, promises were made and jubilation  reigned. My intuition tells me that Tom’s family is as overjoyed as mine at the prospect of the two of them living happily ever after. Their relationship has always shown signs of being a match made in Heaven.

Maureen and Tom were friends for several years before they started dating. They have many friends in common which will always be a plus in their lives. When they were still in that friend stage, I often joked with Maureen that I thought that her red head friend, Tom, seemed interested in being more than just friends. We would both laugh and leave it up to the universe to figure it all out. As fate would have it, sparks flew one summer evening at a boat parade in Ocean City called “Night in Venice”. Something was in the air that could no longer be denied. Love! They both acknowledged that very night that they were smitten with each other and the rest is history, as they say.

They are so much fun to be around. They both have a great sense of humor and a natural ability to keep things lively. They really seem right for each other. Dedicated to their relationship, their families and their friends. Maureen and Tom spent five months together in Costa Rica last year. Many caring people voiced concern at their plan to be in a third world country for an extended amount of time. But, I knew that they had to go on that adventure. It had been calling to them for a long time. I secretly thought of that trip as the ultimate test of the strength of their relationship. 

Maureen and Tom only knew two people when they landed at the San Jose Airport. A married couple around their age who were originally from the United States but had taken up residence in Costa Rica a few years prior. The two couples socialized together as often as possible. But, due to work schedules, etc., that time was somewhat limited. So, Maureen and Tom really had to depend on each other for everything. I had hoped that the prospect of that would solidify their relationship and bond them for life and I was right. It did. They invited me to travel to their Central American town of Santa Teresa on the Nicoya Peninsula. When I arrived, I, at once, noticed their closeness. I was thrilled to find that they had passed the test of time with flying colors. Yay!

Today is a day I will never forget. I am overcome with   gratitude. I see a bright future for these two lovebirds. They both have good heads on their shoulders. We are all on cloud nine with no plans to come down. It’s night time right now and I am alone with God. I am tearing up. With joy, naturally. I am deeply appreciative. Thankful beyond words for Divine Providence. Peace and Love. Or, as they say in Costa Rica, “Pura Vida”!

Flashback To Jack Bradley: A Wonderful Father

Jack Bradley entertaining a wedding crowd with his rendition of On the Way to Cape May.

“On The Way To Cape May” is a classic seashore song cherished by many in the beach towns of South Jersey. Our Dad, Jack, entertained his eight children with this cheerful tune on a regular basis as we were growing up. We all loved it. We knew every word and sang along with pleasure. It’s a love song of sorts. 

I’m a little vague as to whether, or not, Jack actually claimed it as his own creation. But, we pretty much believed he wrote it simply because we never heard anyone else sing it when we were kids.  My siblings and I really enjoyed thinking that our own Dad could come up with “ a little ditty” about our South Jersey seashore towns. It’s a cute, fun song that’s easy to sing along to. Great party tune.

If you ever had the pleasure of meeting Jack Bradley, you’d know that he loved an audience. Hand him a microphone up on a stage and he was in Heaven. A natural at entertaining a crowd. Sometimes, I can’t believe I’m related to him because the spotlight has never been my thing. I’ve run from it all my life. And, as far as singing goes, let’s just say that I may be the only one who is thrilled when I’m belting out a tune which is something I love to do.

My family lives in Margate City on Absecon Island which is a barrier island on the coast of New Jersey about 30 miles, or so, North of Cape May, N. J. Margate is a sweet little beach community that shares the island with Atlantic City, Ventnor City and the borough of Longport. There are several other barrier islands as you travel south “along the Jersey shore” with towns as charming as Margate. Ocean City, Sea Isle, Avalon and Stone Harbor to name a few. 

Each of these small communities has much to offer in the way of beautiful beaches, boardwalks, gorgeous homes and wonderful restaurants. They are boating destinations with all sorts of water craft available. Each season at the Jersey shore presents a list of enjoyable activities that have delighted families and friends for ages. It’s easy to relax and leave your troubles behind when you spend time in any one of these towns. Bike riding, surfing and simply soaking up the sun are all part of the fun the South Jersey coast has to offer.

My family has been enthralled with the Jersey shore forever. Our relatives and friends love to visit us in this darling little haven as often as possible. Jack has always referred to the seashore as, “ the land of milk and honey”. A feeling of peace and contentment envelops you as you cross the bridges onto the islands. Everything seems right with the world as you leave the mainland behind. You just want to say, “ahhh!” as you begin to breathe in the salt sea air.

No wonder someone was able to write a catchy tune about  these island towns. Everywhere I travel at the shore, especially in the summertime, people sing this song. It’s a favorite with beachgoers from Atlantic City to Cape May- the southern most point in New Jersey. Happy Hours are the perfect venue for, “On The Way To Cape May”. Everyone joins in. You can’t help it. This tune generates so much happiness. 

I can vividly picture my Dad singing this endearing song at many a wedding. Invariably, the bride or groom would ask Jack to entertain the crowd with his favorite song. An impromptu gesture that thrilled one and all. He loved it. He would usually add one or two more songs to his repertoire. “By the sea, by the sea, by the beautiful sea…” was a crowd pleaser, too. But, Jack’s rendition of, “On The Way To Cape May” always stole the show. To the delight of everyone, he would add a few dance moves just to liven things up a bit. So much fun!

At our Dad’s funeral a few years ago, my brother, John, had the brilliant idea to have everyone sing this special tune at his gravesite. He had copies made of the words and passed them out to all in attendance. As we were paying our final respects to a man we loved so well, the crowd, at John’s direction, began to sing, “Oh, I sang this little ditty as I left from Ocean City to one who was so lovely to adore. Well, I sang this little ditty as we left from Ocean City down along the Jersey shore…” Not a dry eye in the group. Happy tears in tribute to a man loved by so many and a song that sums everything up about the beach towns he loved deeply. 

Even though Jackson, as we referred to him often, went to his Heavenly Reward over three years ago, he is still greatly missed. And, not just by his extended family. Everywhere that my siblings and I travel on Absecon Island, people come up to us and tell great stories about him. The love they feel for him is at once evident. He had a unique way of making people feel special, connected, loved. His personality was bigger than life. The eight of us are thrilled when someone regales us with a Jack Bradley tale. It helps keep his memory alive within us. No greater gift could these dear old friends give us. Love you, Dad!

Fear Of Missing Out

Fear of Missing Out... or, as it’s commonly referred to these days- FOMO. I’ve got it bad. I’ve been developing a strong case of it my entire adult life. I never knew there was a name for it until recently when I noticed someone near and dear to me use it- my darling daughter, Maureen. Recently, I sent her a picture of myself and several of our family members on an outing in Philadelphia and as soon as she received it, she expressed her regret of not being able to be with us in a text message. She entitled her message, “FOMO”. Of course, I was totally unaware of the meaning of this acronym and begged for clarification.  

As soon as she enlightened me as to it’s significance, a light bulb went off in my head. Yes! FOMO. Fear of missing out. Prior to that moment, I couldn’t accurately voice the feeling I experience when those I love hanging out with are hanging out without me. FOMO- it’s all clear to me now. It’s irrational to think that I could be everywhere all the time with everyone. It’s not possible. But, nevertheless, I get this sense of emptiness or “left-out-ness” when others I love regale me with tales of the good times they’ve recently had without me.

Now, before I go any further, please allow me to explain that I have a wonderful relationship with all of my relatives. We have fun together as often as possible. And, I am fortunate enough to say that I have more great friends than I can keep up with. I’ve lived my entire life in both Pennsylvania and New Jersey. I travel back and forth all the time. Naturally, I can’t be in both states at the same time. When I’m visiting friends and relatives in one state, life goes on without me in the other. As it should. Occasionally, I get this nagging feeling that I should be in the “other” state because, perhaps, they are having just a wee bit more fun and games than we are in the state I’m currently in. Does that even make sense? Do I sound like a middle schooler? 

Since I’ve probably totally confused you, I will now give you an example of a typical FOMO situation in my life. I raised my children in the suburbs of Philadelphia. Over the years, I’ve formed many genuine friendships with amazing people who continue to enrich my life. Most of these friends are my neighbors and the parents of my children’s friends. They are the type of friends you thank God for every day. On more occasions than I can count, I’ve enjoyed fun filled weekends with these people. Happy hours. Bike rides. Dinner parties. Exercise walks, etc… Really enjoyable moments. 

After one particular weekend like this, I remember calling my sister in N.J. on a Sunday evening just to chit chat. She asked about my activities from Friday through Sunday and I happily shared my adventures with her. All was well until she innocently started telling me about her weekend experiences. Now, to be sure, the fun she had in N. J. was actually very similar to the fun I had just had in Pa. Friends, parties, laughter, storytelling, etc… I felt only a minor amount of envy as she spoke. I was okay. Under control. Until she happened to mention that everyone was asking for me. Everyone wanted to know why I wasn’t there. The moment I heard those words, that feeling of missing out started kicking in. A sense of regret enveloped me. Questions started circling around in my head like, “Why did I choose Pa. over N.J. that weekend?” And, “ Did they all have more fun than I did?” 

Crazy, right? Nonsensical. A bit immature to say the least. I jokingly asked my sister to stop. I told her that I couldn’t listen to her stories anymore. I explained how jealous they were making me. Please understand that we were both laughing through all of this silliness. Fortunately, she understood what was going on with me. Why, you might ask? Because she and all seven of my siblings struggle with the fear of missing out, too. And, we’ve even unwittingly passed it on to the next generation. For most of my adult life, I thought I was the only person- possibly in the world- who could be envious of others having fun when I was actually having fun, too. I really thought there was something seriously wrong with me. I’d ask myself why I couldn’t be cool like everyone else and just accept the way life works.

Last fall, a long time friend and his wife invited me to join them on their sailboat in La Paz, Mexico for the upcoming Christmas holidays. There were many positives to this invitation and only one negative. He invited his two sisters, as well, one of whom has been my best friend since the first day of high school. He and his wife were going to treat all three of us to the airfare, etc… And, La Paz is one of the prettiest places on Earth. You would think that my answer would have been an easy yes. But, you’d be wrong. Even though I’d never heard the expression FOMO at that time, I knew instinctively that my fear of missing out would overwhelm me in Mexico. 

You see, my family whom I love with all my heart, was going to be together at my sister’s lovely home for the Christmas holiday. For me, nothing beats a family Christmas. Not even a sailboat with great friends in Mexico. If I had chosen the latter, I know that I would've regretted that decision as soon as I got off the plane in Mexico. One of my brothers couldn’t understand why I would turn down such a wonderful offer until I turned the tables on him and asked him what he would have done in that situation. Yes. His fear of missing out would have overwhelmed him, too. We have so much fun with our siblings, children, nieces and nephews that the thought of being away from them on Christmas would be extremely difficult.

After careful consideration, I’ve concluded that the root cause of my family’s fear of missing out is that we have always been people who say yes to life. We are happy, well adjusted people who enjoy a deep love of life and relationships. We want to take it all in at every moment. We understand that it’s as big and wondrous as it seems. We know that life is indeed an adventure to be explored and cherished with others. We believe life is good and we want to participate fully in all that it offers. That’s why we don’t like to miss anything or anyone. So, we learn how to manage our FOMO carefully one event at a time. We ride it out well and count our blessings. 

If you can believe it, as I was writing this story in Pa., I received messages from three different people on my cell phone. One of them was from a cousin who asked if I was at the Devon Horse Show in Pa. which is a big event where he and his family were at the time. And, the others were from two different friends asking the same question,  “Are you on the beach right now listening to the Flynns?” The Flynns are a really fun Irish band at the shore in N.J. whose lead singer just happens to be my brother-in-law. Please feel free to take a wild guess as to my reaction!